BIRTHDAY EXPECTATIONS

I don't know how to begin this. I am thinking if am I too demanding to write all my wish lists and expectations. Or I am just a bad girl who doesn't know how to appreciate everything and at the same time wanting more and more.

Every year, whenever my birthday coming up, I start to feel really anxious. I just cannot help it, the truth is I will always get anxious. The worst part is I will get stress out about anything regarding my coming birthday when actually nothing will happen at all. I always put high expectations of how my day is suppose to go. Or maybe how amazing it will be on my birthday. The main point is I must say that my birthday is a day with a great anxiety and stress.

When the day has comes, nothing will happen. Maybe some of my expectations might be fulfill. And the most of it do not happen at all. Not even happen with how I expect it to be. I had been experienced this kind of feelings throughout the years. The birthday expectations' lists are always letting me down. It always frustrating me.

This situation repeatedly happened this year, on my 23rd birthday. None of my hopes are actually happen today. None of it. Now, I started to think, maybe I should stop dreaming. Maybe I should just giving up all to the fate. Maybe I should not expect too much. Maybe I should find another way to makes me happy. Maybe I should communicate all of these stupid feelings to someone, somewhere.

There are many thing expected by a girl like me on our birthday. Yes, I admit, birthday is one of the day with too much expectations. Even though deep inside my heart forcing me to stop expecting and dreaming. I just cannot do that. For me, the most important is I just want my big day to be appreciated. With so much hype and not just let it over with nothing to be remember. I want my day to be the greatest day ever. I want my day to be a day which can bring an endless smiles on my face. I want my day to be something that I can proudly tell to all of my good friends. I want to show off to the whole world. Yes, so what? I don't think it is a crime for me to show off about my own birthday rite. Furthermore, it is my day. My own day.

I don't really fancy the idea of having a very big, grand and marvelous party that definitely needs a lot of money to be spend on it. I just need something really sweet which I can see the efforts on it. I just need something that can show me the love. I want to feel the love. I want to feel the excitement. I want to feel the attention. I just want it all.

As for LOVE, I am dying hoping a little bit efforts from him. I don't really expect for him to ride a white horse and picking me out to the fairy tales world. It is too ridiculous for me to expect that much. I always hope that I can spend my birthday with him. Only him. I want him to surprise me with something that can turned me out into tears. I want to treat me like I am the princess of the day. I want to be loved. I want to feel that I am loved. Is it fair for me to expect these from him?

I feel really lucky if he can remembers my birthday. And of course I will be super lucky if he gives me a card. I prefer something to keep even though it is just a simple plain card. It is more than enough for me. I don't say that I hate wishes. I just think that wishes is something I can't really keep. Something I can't remember. After all wishes are intangible rite? cannot be seen.

Apart from all of these, there is something that makes me smile every year. The love from my precious beloved family. They are never forget my big day. Especially MAK. She will put so much efforts to makes me happy on my big day. She will stay up late at night just to wish me a "Happy Birthday". It is not easy for older person like her to stay up too late at night. She will make a small family party to celebrate my birthday. She will cooks all of my favorite foods. She will cuddles me. She will never tired to keep telling about my childhood days stories to all of my family. Yes, I am really lucky.

Also, I want to thank to all of my friends. They are never forget to wish me even though I realized that I am kind of bad friend who can't even remember all of my friends' birthday. Maybe I should write down all of their days on one book. A book that can remind me not to forget to wish on their days. I don't think that save it an the hand phone is a good idea. I tried it before but seems it doesn't work. Since I just like to change my hp frequently.

I would like to finish this post with thank to everyone. Thank you for all the wishes. Thank you very much for the thoughts. Thank you very very much for the loves.

P/S: Sorry for all the grammatical errors. I just not feeling good now.