Zipping mouth.

I'm feeling miserable. Like having butterflies in my stomach. My heart is like to burst out. I feel like crying. I feel like punching people's face. I feel like screaming to everyone if it is the only way for me to release this pain.

Blog is always a place for me to let go those feelings which I can never speak it out by my own mouth. I don't know where should I share my feelings. I won't disturb LOVE because I know he is also in the midst of extreme stress due to the job. I won't talk to my family because there might seen this thing as a normal ordinary thingy. Or maybe it is. Maybe I'm the one who complicate it.

In appearance, this is really not my problem. At all. But it will give subsequent effect to the person I loved the most. I hate that to be happened one day. This is me. I cannot just sit and see all bad things happened. I will always interfere as I thing that I have responsibility to talk, or maybe to advice as far as I can. I'm doing all of this with no reason. For me, everything I do must always be with reason and knowledge. With only that I can see the way of life clearly.

This is never be a problem for me if I am dealing with the person below my level or maybe same age with me. But, a problem arise when I am dealing with the person whose in the upper level than myself. I have to talk in good manner.

I won't be seen as a rude person. I want people to see me as a helper. I try to help. Helping is actually comes in various ways. By talking, listening, advising, anything can be. I face with one situation where me, myself as a normal person see this as a problem. If it is not a problem now, I believe this thing will create a problem one day in the future.

This situation involves a person who actually very close to my life. And that's why I couldn't talk to anyone. It is like spitting to the air where actually it will fall on my own face. So, I decide to keep it with me.

Having said that, I try to personally talk to this person. Within our conversation I swear to God that I didn't even use any harm words. I talked and advised in a good manner. I keep all my anger inside. I just let go all nicest words during the conversation. With the hope that I can try to solve the problem before it turn to be a big problem.

I know this person felt touch at heart before it is me to talk. Who am I to talk like that? Where is my level? I have no rights to talk. Maybe, these were the questions that appeared in this person's mind. Maybe. Who might knows?

Our conversation ended with no solutions. This person seem cannot take all my words. At last, I am the one who felt guilty. I felt like violation of level of life. So, I took it as my fault for not knowing my appropriate level. I apologized to this person. Yes, I did. I cross my fingers.

But today, I received a text messages. That person, the one whose I talked to before, was upset and said I was only pointing my fingers without knowing the truth story. That person said I am like crossing the line. I have no rights of talking what I have said before.

And because of this stupid person, I feel miserable now. Why am I the one who is guilty in this case? When actually this case or situation doesn't really implied myself.

I talk to myself. I will take it as my fault of over the limit by talking like that to the person who is in the upper level than me. Yes. I'll take it. But, I promise myself after this if anything ever happen to that person, I will only watch it from far. I will never step in that person's problem ever. Never. That is my promise.

p.s. Buat baik salah. Buat jahat lagi lar salah. It's okay. I'm zipping my mouth now.

Convo? Uhh..!!

I'm back. Definitely with a better mood. I'd managed to tell everything to LOVE. What a relief I feel inside when I can spell everything out to someone, instead of just keep it inside my ownself.

Okay, that's not the main point I wanna to stress in here.

I met with my old friend since I stayed in Tradewinds Residential College, almost 3 years back I think. She came by to collect her "jubah konvo" here. By the way, to be clear in here, my batch (UUM's accounting 2005/2006 batch) will be having their convocation early of October, which falls next week.

I really don't know how to act when I meet them again. To see them wearing their jubah, with holding the scroll, it's such a great pain for me. I feel like flying away and dissapear to somewhere else, where no one will talk about all the convocation's thingy.

I'm still keep on thinking, whether I wanna stay here and give them a visit at the convocation's day, or maybe I'll make my way back to my hometown. Hmmm.. I'm really hate to think that I'm still stuck in here when actually this coming October should be my convocation's day. Arghh..!!

p.s. Kalau tak accident hari tu, mesti I sedang gembira sekarang prepare utk convo. Sigh.

Saya Sangat Marah! Grrrr...

Hello people.

As usual, I will write in here whenever I have something in my mind which I couldn't tell anyone. Writing has been the best way for me to let out everything which I can't tell anyone.

I feel uneasy now. I just received a call from someone, the respectful one. I heard something which really pointing at me. This story was begun or told by someone (I'm starting to hate her now) to my respectful one (the one who called me just now).

Urghh!! I'm soooo angry now until I feel like killing someone. How dare she keep interupting into my private life. Seriously. She is witch!!

I hate to be like this. I hate to get angry by my own, when actually she feels nothing out there. Arggghh!! I pray to the Highness for never ever makes me meet her again. Ever in my life. I don't know how I can control myself if she is in front of me right now.

I hate to think and to know that everyone including my respectful one is actually 100% believe on whatever she said. Owh!! She knows best how to gain people attention by creating all the sad stories. She knows best how to makes people think she is the best girl ever in the world. F-ing word!!

To be frank, before this I already felt bad. And now, I feel bad again. I couldn't tell this to anyone. I can't tell anyone everything she did, because I know no one will ever believe in me. As I said before, she is good in acting.

p.s. Saya sangat marah!!!
p.p.s. Maaf. Saya menulis dalam keadaan marah.

Bully.

Chop!! I just realize that this is going to be my 91 posts..!! I started to involve in this blogging thingy since February 14, 2009. Yes. It is my 8th months here. Haha. Excited. LOL.

Seriously I don't have any idea what I'm gonna talk about today. Oh! Okay! Got it! Here we go.

I've been super busy these days. Working on my 2nd-time re-do case study for Accounting Theory and Practice paper. Earlier we (me and the other 4 members) were working on Transmile Accounting Fraud Scandal. Then happened some conflict between us and one of the group in the same class, which also been working on the same chosen company.

After some cat-fights, we lose. Then only came another fraud company case study. This time we were analyzing the most recent fraud case involved Satyam Computer Services. My part was the Elaboration of the Case. No big deal for me. But by having looked at the previous job with this group, I rather do some extra work just for the back up.

As usual, I always have to be the group's leader, I can say for all the papers I take this semester. Ahh! Never mine about that. I'm getting used to it. Okay, as the leader, it is a must for me to do the editing part.

As you guys who been studied before, editing part is the most tiring part ever. You have to deal with some unfavorable situations like:

• "membabi buta" copy and paste job - Personally, I really can't stand with this kind of behavior. It is fine with me if they want to do the "copy and paste" thingy. It's normal right? Nahh..Don't bluff. I know everyone had done this before. In fact I did it too. But, just do it professionally. Don't just simply copy and paste and then submit. When copying and pasting, the story line shouldn't be off from the track. And select the best part to copy and then paste it. Plus don't forget to credit the author of the sources. Adoyai..!! takkan nie pon I nak kena ajar?
  
• late submission - Okay, just let's say the dateline of the assignment is on September 10, 2009. As a good member of the group, we need to submit it to the leader a few days before the dateline. Editing job isn't easy at all. Normally, 2 or 3 days should be so nice for editing. The editor need to thoroughly check on each and every single word. Arranging the contents so it will become more easier for the reader (lecturer) to read and review it. In my case, I always have to face with the last minute submissions. Hisshh!!

Okay enough with those two. Get back to my story. As noted earlier, I lead all the group for all the papers taken for this semester. So, frankly saying that I feel stupid now. I feel like I've been bullied by my group members. Yes, I am the super duper senior here. Unfortunately I'm the one who have to do most of the work.

I guess people will start to question why I had to be that way? Okay. I'm not a perfectionist, but I love to do 99% perfect job. Whenever I wanna do something, I wish I can do it best. I am really not very-early-to-submit people. I do my job gradually, so that I can enjoy doing it. No rushing. But I will make sure my job done on that particular date. I'll make sure everything is done perfectly just up to reach my standard level of perfect. Only then I can feel easy.

Eh. It is 2 am. I wanna do some finishing touch on my Business Ethics group assignment. See? I'd done editing the assignment 2 days ago. But still I wanna do another double triple what-so-ever checking. Am I a perfectionist? Naaaahhh...

Bye all.

p.s. I haven't sleep since yesterday. Honestly.

Pimples Oh pimples.

Do I hate pimples?

I don't know the exact answer for this question. As far as I concern, many girls hating pimples so much. It is such a red swollen little stranger thing that suddenly appears to ruin they beautiful face. They said it gives them pains. Plus it also bring a new color, which is normally red or maybe for the worst such skin disease, on the face.

For me, I don't really care about pimples. I don't have this problem. The same situation goes to my other lady-siblings. It is undeniable that sometime me too will have to face this problem. I mean to have pimples on my face. This situation will be happened during menstrual period. I will have one or maybe two cute pimples on my cheeks or forehead. I don't feel that is my major problem. Sometime I might feel happy because those pimples appear on my face. I like to think that I have a cute tiny flower on my face. Silly me.

But this time is different. I had one big-very red- swelling pimples. It is really hurt especially when I wanna do facial wash. Aiyooo!!! Serious hurt!

People around me also will notice it. They will definitely questioned me.

Friend_1: What is that?
Friend_2: Besarnya jerawat kau.
Friend_3: Scary la tengok muka kau ada jerawat.

Me: Suka hati aku lar!!!!

LOVE also noticed the different look on my face.

LOVE: B, kenapa besar sangat jerawat BB nie?
LOVE: B, mari sini I picit. Geram tengok besar sangat.

Me: Arghh!! Takmau!!! Sakit lar!!!

Even MAK also noticed my pimples when she did 3G me last time.

MAK: Eh! Apa tu? Kat pipi tu?
Me: Jerawat lar mak. Dah 3 4 hari tak pecah lagi. Sakit lak tu.
MAK: Mak tengok bukan macam jerawat sebab besar sangat.
Me: Bistu macam apa?
MAK: Macam bisul jer. Esok pegi klinik!
Me: Yes Madam!

People always said, don't play with your pimples. Never squeez your pimples. Let it pecah sendiri. If not you will get the unwanted scar on your face.

But, I just cannot bare with the pain having that giant pimples on my face. The only thing I need now is a needle. Then everything will be okay. Haha!

Below I put two pictures taken after I had done the needle operation. Hehe.

Please, get a life!!

I am very mad rite now. Huh! What actually on you guys mind? Seeing a "free hair" girl like me? Okay. I know, "tudung" or scarf is actually a must to a Muslim girls. We all, Islamic girls are supposed or maybe the rite word is COMPULSORY to wear scarf and cover our "aurat". But, never judge a girl like me, is very social and bad type of girl. I am not like that.

I was bored last few hours. LOVE is sleeping at the moment. I just couldn't make my eyes close and sleep. There's plenty of job to be done before this coming Sunday.

I was joined one chat room just now. Just to find someone to talk to. Since all my friends list in YM were offline. I just need somebody to talk. To fresh me up. Because I have to settle all these things.

Okay. Let's straight to the point. While I joined the chat room, I received some instant messages from several people. More specific, guys.

Chatter_1: Buzz
Me: Yes.
Chatter_1: Hye. Busy?
Me: Yes.
Chatter_1: Open x?
Me: Open? What?
Chatter_1: Horny lar.
Me: Excuse me....
Chatter_1: Ala..Xkan tak biase kot..Awk nie hot lar..
Me: Ok.
Chatter_1: Ala..Awk mesti da biase kan..Ala..freehair girl kan sporting..
Me: Hmmm..Bye.

Chatter_2: Abg horny lar yang....mmm...
Me: Excuse me..?
Chatter_2: Sayang nie cantik lar..Geram abg tgk..
Me: Bye.

Chatter_3: Hye wak..
Me: Helo..
Chatter_3: Buat per wak?
Me: Keje..
Chatter_3: Keje aper mlm2 nie? Nak join wak..
Me: Keje..My study's..Assignment..
Chatter_3: Kesian wak..Wak pakai baju aper mlm nie wak? Naked yer?
Me: Bye.

Chatter_4: Hye syg..
Me: Salah org ek?
Chatter_4: Mesti best kan dpt main dgn awak..
Me: F**K YOU!!

Chatter_5: Haiiiiii...
Chatter_5: Iiiiiiiii..Ada org x nie?
Chatter_5: Mari lar lyn abg..Abg sorg nie..Abg stim lar syg..
Me: Lantak kau lar!

Then, I ended up signed out from that bloody chat room. WTF!! What you guys expect? Seeing a girl like me? No..No..Please..I am very easy girl okay? I am my own pride. My own dignity. Please respect. That's all I need.

Reminder to myself:
NEVER EVER JOIN ANY CHAT ROOM!

PS. It wasn't a good idea to join a chat room in hour like now. Very early in the morning. All the chatters are sick!! Crazy!!

Mari mewarna rambut.

I was planned to color my hair. Due to my hair that grew longer and longer day by day. The color seemed faded away. My previous hair color was Natural Blonde by Revlon.

So, last Monday, I bought this color. Actually I wanted to buy the same color like the previous one. But I changed my mind. So, I bought this color.

Bright Auburn by Revlon

As usual, I don't really like to do hair coloring at Saloon. I think I can do it at home by myself. Just buy the color then do it at home. At the same time I can save my hair coloring budget. Haha.

So, that Monday's night, very late at night actually, I did the coloring alone. I left it on my hair around only 40minutes because I felt like sleepy. Really sleepy. I washed my hair. Then as a result, the color seems didn't work at all. Hmmm..Padan muka I!! Tak sabar lagi!!

Today, I woke up late. As usual. After took bath, I borrowed ABAH's car. I went to Guardian to buy the color for the second time.

Hmmm..No stock for Bright Auburn color. Frust!!

I made up my mind. Okay! Let's go for this color!

Strawberry Blonde by Revlon

This was my hair color before I re-colored it back.




GEMOK (my younger bro) gave an extra hand for me to re-color my hair. He did the spreading the colors on all over my hair. Thanks GEM!! Love you!

And this is the result.




Yes people. The same question keeps hitting me now. The color just like my previous hair color!!! Arghh!! Tension!! Nak color macam kat kotak tue!!

P/S: Maybe self-coloring at home just not a good idea.

P/P/S: ABAH!! Nak duit! Nak g Saloon!!

P/P/P/S: Ker ader saper2 nak sponsor I? Haha!! Kidding!!