Monday, October 26, 2009

Zipping mouth.

I'm feeling miserable. Like having butterflies in my stomach. My heart is like to burst out. I feel like crying. I feel like punching people's face. I feel like screaming to everyone if it is the only way for me to release this pain.

Blog is always a place for me to let go those feelings which I can never speak it out by my own mouth. I don't know where should I share my feelings. I won't disturb LOVE because I know he is also in the midst of extreme stress due to the job. I won't talk to my family because there might seen this thing as a normal ordinary thingy. Or maybe it is. Maybe I'm the one who complicate it.

In appearance, this is really not my problem. At all. But it will give subsequent effect to the person I loved the most. I hate that to be happened one day. This is me. I cannot just sit and see all bad things happened. I will always interfere as I thing that I have responsibility to talk, or maybe to advice as far as I can. I'm doing all of this with no reason. For me, everything I do must always be with reason and knowledge. With only that I can see the way of life clearly.

This is never be a problem for me if I am dealing with the person below my level or maybe same age with me. But, a problem arise when I am dealing with the person whose in the upper level than myself. I have to talk in good manner.

I won't be seen as a rude person. I want people to see me as a helper. I try to help. Helping is actually comes in various ways. By talking, listening, advising, anything can be.
I face with one situation where me, myself as a normal person see this as a problem. If it is not a problem now, I believe this thing will create a problem one day in the future.

This situation involves a person who actually very close to my life. And that's why I couldn't talk to anyone. It is like spitting to the air where actually it will fall on my own face. So, I decide to keep it with me.

Having said that, I try to personally talk to this person. Within our conversation I swear to God that I didn't even use any harm words. I talked and advised in a good manner. I keep all
my anger inside. I just let go all nicest words during the conversation. With the hope that I can try to solve the problem before it turn to be a big problem.

I know this person felt touch at heart before it is me to talk. Who am I to talk like that? Where is my level? I have no rights to talk. Maybe, these were the questions that appeared in this person's mind. Maybe. Who might knows?

Our conversation ended with no solutions. This person seem cannot take all my words. At last, I am the one who felt guilty. I felt like violation of level of life. So, I took it as my fault for not knowing my appropriate level. I apologized to this person. Yes, I did. I cross my fingers.

But today, I received a text messages. That person, the one whose I talked to before, was upset and said I was only pointing my fingers without knowing the truth story. That person said I am like crossing the line. I have no rights of talking what I have said before.

And because of this stupid person, I feel miserable now. Why am I the one who is guilty in this case? When actually this case or situation doesn't really implied myself.

I talk to myself. I will take it as my fault of over the limit by talking like that to the person who is in the upper level than me. Yes. I'll take it. But, I promise myself after this if anything ever happen to that person, I will only watch it from far. I will never step in that person's problem ever. Never. That is my promise.

p.s. Buat baik salah. Buat jahat lagi lar salah. It's okay. I'm zipping my mouth now.


~farahsyeefa~ on October 26, 2009 at 11:00 PM said...

nape azie?
mcm merajuk je bunyinye....
rinduye kat azie akak ni...:)

Cik Zizee on October 27, 2009 at 1:24 AM said...

kak farah,
sedih tau org buat cenggini..azie niat baik tp die anggap azie hina die..benci tau..

rindu kak farah jugak..dulu azie kan selalu gak heart to heart ng kak farah...hehe..miss those times..

myself on October 27, 2009 at 9:21 AM said...

waa saling merindu...
kadang2 mendiamkan diri dan stay cool itu lagi betul...

Siti Syuhada on October 27, 2009 at 10:19 AM said...

aiii...rindu kat k.farah jer...k/ct tak rindu ker..????

Cik Zizee on October 27, 2009 at 1:40 PM said...

si encik myself..hehe..
mesti kene saling merindu..rindu tue kan bagus..rindu kan tandanya sayang...hehe...

yes.. after this aku nak diam jer.. yer lar kan..lgpon bukan problem aku..kalo dia susah pon aku takde hal pape laaa..

Cik Zizee on October 27, 2009 at 1:41 PM said...

kak ct cindai...
mesti lar rindu kak ct jugakkkk...hehe...kalo rindu kak ct kene nyanyi lagu cindai...
cindai laa mana..tidak berkias...lalalala..aper ntah lagi liriknyer..hehe

dzuls86 on October 27, 2009 at 2:31 PM said...

sy rindu dkt smer org...

Cik Zizee on October 27, 2009 at 7:53 PM said...

dzul nyet: rindu, die pon nak tiru rindu jugak..hehe...

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