AM I A MEAN PERSON?

I keep asking myself, am I really a mean person? Why can't I have more soft, lovely and kind heart like others? Why I am so different from others? Do I have an evil heart? Why everybody around me says that I have no heart? Why they accused me as a mean and very bad person indeed?

I am seriously not like what other people might think. I means I do have a heart. I do have a sentimental feelings with me. I know how to love people. In fact I do have person I loved the most. I know how to feel sorry to others. I know how to cry. I do have a very sensitive heart.

Just know, my friend dropped by my room and told me about the accident she had just a minute before. She hit a cat with her car. While she reverse the car at the parking lot. She didn't really noticed that there was a cat just behind her car. She hit the cat. The cat's leg was broke. She did cried a lot.

I don't know why I felt that was funny to listen that she did cried like a baby seeing the cat mourning with so much pain. It is really not my intention to be mean to laugh at the cat. In fact I do feels sorry for her. I just laugh to see her face with the tears. I am not laugh to that pity cat!

I admit I am not really like animals. I don't like to have a pets. I don't like the stinks made by the pets. More specific is cats. I don't like the smelly environment. Definitely come from the cats productions (shit). I don't like seeing the fur all over the place. I don't like seeing a damage at the furniture in my house. I just don't like it!

It is not like I am hating pets. I just don't really like to have it around.

Back to the topic, I told LOVE about the incident. I just giggles a bit. And he scolded me back. He said it is bad to laugh at something like that. The cat is the best friend of Rasulullah.

Suddenly, I can felt my tears running down my face. I am starting to think. Am I really a mean person. I don't like pets. Why? I just can't help it. I am really not a heartless person. Please don't accused me with something like that.

I just can't change it. I can't change my behavior to something really uncommon. I really can't lie to my own self.

Touching some other bases, I must say that there are some reasons of having a pet. I think the most important is to get rid of loneliness. Instead of that, I can't deny that some people keep pets for fun.

With having a pets, it can teaches us how to play, look after them, while at the same time aiding tolerance and understanding of each other. Lonely people are fond of keeping pets because it helps them with raising their mood, when they are in low spirits, not to feel so extremely lonely.

I can says all of these because my other siblings do own a pet or more specific is they have a lot of cats at their house. I think I am the only member of my family that don't really like to own a pets. Sometimes I feel calm seeing they playing with their own cat. Just sometimes. Most of the time I just think all the cats are so annoying.

And now, I don't know why I can't stop myself from crying again and again. I am still in tears while I am writing this entry. Why? Please. I beg everybody out there. Please don't judge me from just a one angle. I am really not a mean person. I have a heart. It is not my requests to be like this. I was born with this attitude. I was born as who I am now. I am really myself. I can't turn out to something nice-decent girl. This is me! So what?!

MONEY!!!

So many times this question crossed my minds. Almost every time when I am about to take out money from my purse. I wonder if is there have a day passed by my life without me having spent a single cent? Hell no!!!

I try to teach myself how to control my bad spending habits. I will motivate myself to start changing the spending habits into saving habits. Or maybe I can change it into some smart spending habits in order for me to be financially healthy. At the end of the day, I am still can't find the best way to control my spending habits?

My "ALONG" always said spend according to your budget. Can I? I means, I do knows that I am not from some rich family background. My family is in the moderate level. And yes, we happy to live that way.

There is a Malay proverb that says "ukur baju di badan sendiri". That means we should measure our clothes on our very own shoulders? Or what? This is the equivalent of saying that we should spend according to our budget. Fool lar Azie!!

Some might says budgeting is really a plan for us to spend without feeling guilty about it later. I think what is the most important is we need to have our spending plan in the first place. Without it, I can says that we will most likely be spending in impulse. The problem is I do have my own budget, but then it still end up with over the budget.

Well, yes. I do knows all the facts, but yet I still stuck with the bad spending habits. I still cannot avoid my impulsive buying habits. I will buy anything that definitely not in my list of needs. And when I reached home I realized that I don't really need that things. All these impulsive buying things are really throw me off budget!!

Some people likes to go for window shopping first. With an intention to make a price comparison. Then only they can decide whether to buy or not that things. Essentials enough or not to spend on it. Where and when should they buy the things.

Frankly says, I am not that kind of person. I will buy the first thing that attracts me in any such way. I did tried to go around and compare the price between one shop to another. Unfortunately, it was just wasted my time because deeply in my heart said that I want the things from the first shop. Eventhough the price is obviously different from other shops.

Another problem is branded stuffs. Some of us buy branded stuff because we are influenced by the images conjured and emotional appeal created by the advertisement itself. It not because we really need it. There shouldn't be a problem to buy a goods from the brands that we trust the most. But when we end up buying things that we don't really need or can't really afford, then it becomes a problem.

I am figure out myself if I am a brand-stuff-maniac? Hell no!!! I will buy anything. Just anything which I think cute, attractive etc. I don't really care about the brands. In my mind if it is cute, even though no-brands or "pasar malam" things, I will buy it. The cheaper the better.

The cheaper the better? Sometimes I can says that I am not really agree with it. I means if we buy something very cheap, we will end up with buying it in a large quantity. As a result, our money still gone. And that happened to me.

Owh world!!! Please help me. How can I control my very bad spending habits? In fact I have not enough money now. For maintenance. I have to buy my toiletteries. I have to buy my facial products. My hair care products. My medicine. Just everything!

Where can I get those money? I always dream if I will found a bag that fullfilled with money. What will I do with all the money? Maybe I can use it to finance my next semester's cost of study. Yes, I will not receive any loans or PTPTN next sem . I did made an application to extend my loans but seems rejected. No answer at all from them.

Maybe I can buy a new lappy . New "canggih" mobile. New car. Shhhh...BEN will hurt if he hear that.

Where can I get enough money to pay all my needs now? Ask form ABAH? No!! I am not a daughter who can sweetly "slamber" asking from my ABAH. Plus I knows better my ABAH's financial position now. Yes, I am still under his liability . That is his responsible to give me money since I am not marry yet. ABAH did gave me pocket allowance. Plus LOVE always help me out with giving me some extra bonus. But seems I am the one who doesn't know how to manage it.

Urghhh!!! Money money money!!! Really make me crazy!!!

ANNUAL GRAND DINNER DPP TM 2009

Dear LOVE,
Here I put some photos.
Sit back, relax and enjoy.
Well, as usual I didn't take many photos.



P/S: The whole body pictures are with Lean. I borrowed her dgcam that nite . Later I will upload once I receive the photos from her. Is that ok LOVE?

THE FOUR OF US

Esah aka Lean. One of my bestest friend in UUM.
Well, she came for her convocation last 2weeks. And she stayed for over a week at my room. We had a very best time together with CIK SEMAH and CIK MARKONAH.

Just imagine four of us lived together in the small room that supposed be fill only with two persons in it. There are only 3 single beds for 4 of us. CIK ESAH sometime play dirty when she pretend to sleep in our extra bed. Unfortunately, CIK MARKONAH will be the one who will sleep on a comforter. It is not my fault because I did invited her to sleep with me on my bed. I mean, I don't really mind to share my single bed with someone else. I was getting used to it ever since my secondary school's day. I am not "buas" when I am sleeping. I will behave when I sleep with others.

Well, I can says that we always "laga2 bontot" in my small-tiny-little room. Everyday CIK SEMAH will feel dizzy looking at the "tongkang pecah" room. We don't really mind at all. All we knew was we had so much fun lived together.

Sometimes we have to take turns to go to our "dapur" (me and SEMAH's food racks) to have our breakfast. Normally CIK ESAH and CIK SEMAH will be the first two. Followed by CIK MARKONAH. And me?? Normally I will be the last person who woke up. And of course I will be the last to take bath.

Here, I would like to talk about my 3 most bestest friends.

The first and foremost, CIK ESAH.
The fullname of her is MARLIANA HISHAM. People used to called her as LEAN.



We knew each other when I was back from my long medical leave. It was last 2years if I am not mistaken. She had been introduced by CIK SOM aka NAD. We became closer when she had a very big problem, which I cannot and never write in here. I realized that I can go with her. Really go with her. She is not a fussy person. She will do whatever I ask her to do. She will follow me wherever I ask her to go. She will accompany me whenever I need a friend. She is a very flexible person. She is a soft-hearted person. She loves cats so much. She loves black. She loves wearing short skirt since she has a very beautiful legs. The very weakest point of her is she will melted with guys. She cannot control herself when it comes to guys things. But after all, she is one of the most appreciated friend I ever had in my life.




Secondly, CIK SEMAH.
NUR HAZWANI ABD RAHMAN.



She is my roomate for almost 2semesters. She pursuing degree in Marketing in UUM. She loves studying. She seriously damn loves to do an assignment. She is most freaking friend I ever had. She loves ironing clothes. Every clothes that she gonna put on, the first thing is she will make sure that there is no "kedut" on that clothes. She even iron her jeans. OMG!!! I am very teriffied with ironing. She will make sure all her lecture clothes has been already ironed at least a day before she going to wear it. Seriously weird.
And the other thing which is so and so weird about her. She likes to matching every single little thing she has. I means if she wear a pink shirt with jeans, she will match it up with a pink-watch, pink-beg, pink-shawl. Opps also with a pink-shoes. I can count with my fingers if she wears something doesn't match in colors at all. And the worst thing is she will match her bedsheet's color with her towel's color. Freaking weird. Well that is SEMAH.
She is a very kind-hearted person. She will never forget to ask me what if I want to make an order if she is about to buy a food or going out. She will always allow me to eat her food's stocks. She will take a very good care of me when I am sick. She will always helping me to clean our room. And I am so lucky to have her as my roomate.




Last but not least, CIK MARKONAH.
Her gifted name is KHAIRUNNISA MAT RASHID. Sorry if it is not the right spelling.



She is the most "tak matang" girl. We are always bullying her. We always "kacau2" her until sometimes she is a bout crying. She is very soft. She likes kids very much. She has a lot of stories with her. She is a very talkative person. She has a very skinny body. Even though she eats a lot. But still she can maintained her weight. She will always "mengalah" whenever we fights. She has a very weak internal feelings. Sometimes I feel like slapping her face if she been too soft for something unreasonable. Well yeah. She is a good friend.

LOVE AND LOST

I don't have any strong reason why I make this post.
Maybe because of my last nite dream.

It was my very first time going to Sunway Lagoon.
Pity me. My family especially my ABAH are not going-out-having-fun type of person.
My MAK is in the contra side. She loves to go out ang having so fun with us .
But now I am gonna talk about me and LOVE went to Sunway Lagoon. Yes LOVE. This is very back-dated post .

Frankly said it was our very first time going to Sunway Lagoon .
And I can say that we had so much fun together .
We paid for water park and amusement park only since it was already late when we reached out there.




We tried on almost all the games.
In fact, I won the "sliding" games (I can't remember the games name ) three times.
Even though LOVE was cheating.
But still I am the winner.

Despite having fun which will be the lovely cherished moments of us,
there is also a sadness thing happened that day.
I lost my lovely pink "Exilim EX-Z80 Casio" digital camera.

Owh..No...No...
Not lost but we dropped it in the water.
Well, yes.
It is not a water-proof camera.
As we know, only Olympus produced the water-proof digital camera, so far.

We took it immadiately to some photo store at Sunway Pyramid.
I felt like crying when I heard the Chinese guy at the store said that it just a waste if we send it for repair .
He suggest us to buy a new one instead.

LOVE a bit down since he thought that it was his fault to dropped it in the water.
I don't blame him after all. I just keep bear in mind that it is not my "rezeki".
Maybe next time "jumpe duit terpijak". Then only I can buy a new one .


Here I put some photos of LOVE, my unpaid model.
Sorry, I didn't take many photos of mine since I feel a bit ashamed when I look at my "buroks+gemoks" body in the picture.



Yes all. He did the sprayed tattoo at Sunway Lagoon.