AM I A MEAN PERSON?

I keep asking myself, am I really a mean person? Why can't I have more soft, lovely and kind heart like others? Why I am so different from others? Do I have an evil heart? Why everybody around me says that I have no heart? Why they accused me as a mean and very bad person indeed?

I am seriously not like what other people might think. I means I do have a heart. I do have a sentimental feelings with me. I know how to love people. In fact I do have person I loved the most. I know how to feel sorry to others. I know how to cry. I do have a very sensitive heart.

Just know, my friend dropped by my room and told me about the accident she had just a minute before. She hit a cat with her car. While she reverse the car at the parking lot. She didn't really noticed that there was a cat just behind her car. She hit the cat. The cat's leg was broke. She did cried a lot.

I don't know why I felt that was funny to listen that she did cried like a baby seeing the cat mourning with so much pain. It is really not my intention to be mean to laugh at the cat. In fact I do feels sorry for her. I just laugh to see her face with the tears. I am not laugh to that pity cat!

I admit I am not really like animals. I don't like to have a pets. I don't like the stinks made by the pets. More specific is cats. I don't like the smelly environment. Definitely come from the cats productions (shit). I don't like seeing the fur all over the place. I don't like seeing a damage at the furniture in my house. I just don't like it!

It is not like I am hating pets. I just don't really like to have it around.

Back to the topic, I told LOVE about the incident. I just giggles a bit. And he scolded me back. He said it is bad to laugh at something like that. The cat is the best friend of Rasulullah.

Suddenly, I can felt my tears running down my face. I am starting to think. Am I really a mean person. I don't like pets. Why? I just can't help it. I am really not a heartless person. Please don't accused me with something like that.

I just can't change it. I can't change my behavior to something really uncommon. I really can't lie to my own self.

Touching some other bases, I must say that there are some reasons of having a pet. I think the most important is to get rid of loneliness. Instead of that, I can't deny that some people keep pets for fun.

With having a pets, it can teaches us how to play, look after them, while at the same time aiding tolerance and understanding of each other. Lonely people are fond of keeping pets because it helps them with raising their mood, when they are in low spirits, not to feel so extremely lonely.

I can says all of these because my other siblings do own a pet or more specific is they have a lot of cats at their house. I think I am the only member of my family that don't really like to own a pets. Sometimes I feel calm seeing they playing with their own cat. Just sometimes. Most of the time I just think all the cats are so annoying.

And now, I don't know why I can't stop myself from crying again and again. I am still in tears while I am writing this entry. Why? Please. I beg everybody out there. Please don't judge me from just a one angle. I am really not a mean person. I have a heart. It is not my requests to be like this. I was born with this attitude. I was born as who I am now. I am really myself. I can't turn out to something nice-decent girl. This is me! So what?!