I hate.

It's 4.45am now. The clock keep continue ticking. But I still couldn't even close my eyes. It tooks me couple hours to sleep. Ermm. I am confuse.

I don't know how to describe this feeling. I feel it again, after quite sometime I haven't felt it. The loneliness comes again. Lingering in my heart.

Today is the 8th Ramadhan. I only had one chance to berbuka puasa with my family, which was for the 1st day of fasting. Then, the 2nd day I had my breakfasting meals with LOVE. Then, started from the 3rd day of fasting until today, I had my breakfasting meal with only me. No one was there.

Myra, my new roomate always having it with her friends. I don't want to be too pathetic to ask them if I can join them. My other junior coursemate not at the same college block with me. Who else I have left? No body. No one anymore. MAK and ABAH at home. LOVE also at his hometown. Ghul is not here. Lodi is not here. Jojo was gone. Lean also. Semah also is not here. Jesnita also. Hany bany also. Markonah also. I have no one closer anymore.

For the 3rd day of fasting, which was the first day I have to face all this loneliness, I wasn't felt anything. I ate my meal happily. I finished up my Transmile Case Study while having my breakfasting meal. I didn't feel anything. Zero. I was too busy in order to complete my leftover works.

Then, came up the next day. Around 6.30 pm I was gone to the UUM's Bazaar Ramadhan. Alone again. I bought kuew teow goreng kerang, 3 pieces of karipap and orange juice. Then, when I arrived at my room, I felt empty. Another lonely breakfasting. I was cried my heart out while having my meals. I can't even hold it back.

I hate to have this feeling. I hate to be alone. I hate to feel lonely. I hate to make myself to believe that no one is here with me anymore. I hate all these.